OK, the following post comes from Myles Munroe's book "Waiting and Dating". It's the most realistic book on dating I have seen so far. I haven't read the whole thing, however. I just picked it up and turned to the "Myths About Dating" section to see what he had to say. Flipping through some other pages, I noticed there are many sound, Biblical principles on dating in the book.
I would like to hear everyone's opinions on the following excerpt (whether you are currently in a relationship or have never had one). It's no big deal if you disagree with it. I am not the type of person who will rip your head off for having another viewpoint. LOL. After all, we should be able to talk about these things in a civilized manner. Let me know what you think.
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Myth #1: GOD HAS ONE SPECIAL PERSON FOR ME
One popular idea is that God has for each of us one special, ideal person and that we need to wait until that person crosses our path. At that time lights will flash, bells will ring, our knees will go weak, and our whole life will suddenly be wrapped up in that person. Many of us have been taught in the Church that God has a specific person for us—a “Prince Charming” for every woman and a “Sleeping Beauty” for every man—and only that specific person will do. We have been told that we need to pray and fast and search until that specific person appears. The assumption of many is, “If God made me, then surely He made some special someone somewhere who is perfectly suited for me.”
This is a myth. There are no Scriptural grounds to support the idea that there is one and only one “Mr. Right” or “Miss Ideal’ for every person. Let’s be honest. There are six billion people in the world. If there is only one person in six billion who is right for you, what is the likelihood that the two of you will meet up?
In reality, there are thousands, perhaps millions of people in the world who are potential mates for you because of similarities in personality, character, values, and interest to your own. Even if you find the “perfect” person and marry him or her, you are almost certain to meet others along the way who would also have been “perfect” for you. In some cases, they may even appear to be better suited for you than the person you married.
This is one of the problems behind the divorce epidemic in our society. People marry that “perfect” person, expecting life now to be grand and glorious and enchanting, like a fairy tale. Once the new wears off and reality sets in, many couples become dissatisfied because the reality does not live up to their expectations. In the midst of their discontentment, one or both of them may meet someone new who seems to be just what they have been looking for. An affair begins, a divorce follows, and off they go looking for their fairy tale again.
People who are deceived by this myth get married believing that their “perfect” spouse is the only one for them and that being married to this person will solve all their problems of lust or a wandering eye. If a woman says, “I have found ‘Mr. Right’,” she may very well expect that she will no longer be attracted to any other men or tempted by their appeal. A man who says, “I have found the perfect woman for me” may feel that his eye could never be drawn to another woman.
This expectation can cause a particular problem for believers. A husband is enjoying married life when all of a sudden during a business trip, he meets another woman who attracts him in much the same way his wife does. Then it happens again somewhere else on vacation. Before long he begins to feel guilty, as if he is being unfaithful to his wife simply because he is attracted to other women. He feels dirty and sinful, thinking “I’m married. I love my wife. I’m not supposed to feel this way.” At this point, one of two things may happen. He may become so guilt-ridden that he surrenders in defeat and enters into an affair, or he may withdraw himself and become unsociable out of fear that he cannot trust himself.
Many married believers experience guilt over feeling attracted to people other than their mates. This sense of guilt is often due, at least in part, to this erroneous idea that there is one and only one “right” person for them to marry.
Smashing this myth leads to two important conclusions. First, if there are any number of “suitable” candidates for us to marry, then marrying one out of that number becomes a choice that we make. Second, the choice that we make to marry a particular person calls for a firm commitment on our part to be faithful to the one we choose. Choice and commitment go hand-in-hand.
Myth #2: GOD CHOOSES THE PERSON HE WANTS ME TO MARRY
A second common myth about marriage is the idea that God chooses the person He wants you to marry. This myth is a natural outgrowth of the first one. After all, if God has created one and only one special person for each of us, then obviously He has chosen that person for us and vice versa. We have already seen that the idea of there being one special person for us is false. The idea that God chooses our mates for us is just as false.
Some folks have the idea—and some have even been taught in their churches—that the Lord somehow will reveal to them who they are to marry. It may be in a dream, or through a prophecy, or some other mystical or supernatural means.
Even in the Church there are a lot of people doing some really spooky stuff in an attempt to find a spouse. Too many times I have heard someone say something like, “Last night while I was praying, I had a vision where the Lord told me that I was going to marry “John.” Wherever that vision came from, it did not come from the Lord, and here’s why. If God told this woman in a vision that she is supposed to marry John, then God has violated both her will and John’s. By telling her she is to marry John, God has violated her will to choose John, and well as John’s will to refuse. God created all of us with the freedom to choose, and He never violates that freedom.
I remember one situation where a young woman came to me and said, “Brother Myles, I had a dream and the Lord told me I am supposed to marry so-and-so. I know it’s true. I went and got confirmation from a few brothers and sisters, and they are said, “Yes, he’s the one.” She even had Scripture to back it up: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22).
After she finished sharing this with me, I simply asked, “Have you checked with him”?
“No,” she answered, “I’m waiting for the Lord to tell him.”
“In that case,” I said, “don’t count on marrying him. This is not from God. If it were, He would have given this young man the same message He gave you.”
She got angry with me because I did not agree with her prophecy, and left. Three or four months passed with nothing else happening, and then the man she was so certain about starting going with someone else. She came back to my office and started crying. Through her tears she said, “Brother Myles, he doesn’t seem to be listening to the Holy Spirit.”
I tried to help her understand. “If you believe that God chose him for you, then by his refusal to choose you, you are making God out to be a liar. God is not a liar. Secondly, you are making God out to be the cause of your broken heart. God is not a breaker of hearts, but a mender of hearts. Thirds, by insisting that God is the one who chooses your mate, you are making Him responsible for the success or failure of your relationship.
God does not choose our mate. Nowhere does the Bible present God as choosing mates for His people; the choice is always ours.
When God created man, He began with the male, Adam, and created Eve, the female, later. Even then, God did not choose Eve to be Adam’s mate. Adam made that choice himself. This is clear through a careful reading of the second chapter of Genesis.
God neither chose the woman for the man, nor gave her to him. God brought her to the man and he accepted her. Adam chose Eve. Nothing else is suggested or implied. As a matter of fact, in the original Hebrew, the word translated “brought” (as in, “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.”) literally means “put on display”. God displayed the woman He had made and presented her to Adam, who accepted what God has presented to him.
Whether God chose and gave Eve to Adam or whether Adam chose her may seem to be a minor point, but in reality, it is very important. Adam, like every human being since, was responsible for his own choices. Whenever he made poor choices, he could not turn around and blame God for the consequences of those choices. That didn’t stop him from trying, though.
What this means for us is, like Adam and Eve, we are free to choose and therefore bear responsibility for our choices and their consequences. This is just as true in our relationships as anywhere else. God may bring a potential mate across our path, but He does not choose that person for us. We make that choice ourselves, based on what we learn about that person and on the nature of the friendship that develops. It is certainly appropriate to ask God for wisdom in making our choice about a mate, but He will not choose for us. The choice is still ours.